If we have studied an issue extensively and these paradigms are grounded in truth, then a concrete conviction in that area is a good thing. If we become close-minded to what could be gray, that we think is black or white, an immovable paradigm limits our growth.

Expand your paradigms through purposeful choices to see things from others’ points of view. Initiate conversations with those outside your typical sphere of influence. Read outside of your trade. Watch a different type of movie or surf to a different type of blog than normal. It’s really the only other way to see with different eyes, and become a more well-rounded person–someone who can have greater influence in this life.

Usually when probing for dysfunction on a work team or a family, one of the main culprits is a lack of direct communication. Issues push to other people not directly involved in solving a problem or confronting an issue, and we go on parallel paths alongside each other instead of actually going deeper with each other.

I’m not giving a green light to rude, blunt comments that seek to harm another person. Of course, a conversation should be well-thought-out before thrust onto a recipient. But I am advocating getting to the point and shooting straight with people, maybe wincing a little inside for their reaction, but holding to the course until a problem gets resolved, a relationship gets reconciled, or an intent gets declared.

Holding it inside keeps you stuck. Sharing it respectfully with an intent to heal or grow open doors. You aren’t responsible for their reaction, only for speaking the truth in love.

Of course, we want to be validated and accepted–core needs everyone has.  So, we gravitate to Yes-people in our lives who will give us approval for the choices we are making and the feelings we are feeling.  Makes sense.

But there is something better than just validation. There’s is stretching and growth! And, we need to hang around with people who can be growth-agents for us–people who will ask us tough questions out of love for our direction in life. People who will seek to bring out our very best self. And usually, these people are actually MORE mature than we are, with a bigger perspective, an objective perspective that can see the blind spots in us that we cannot.

Seek out those who are farther down the road of life than you, in the “wisdom” category; and give them permission to speak into your life. Then listen. Sift for the nuggets of truth and apply them every day. You will rise in your maturity, and be a growth agent in others’ lives–and the cycle will continue. Don’t settle for approval addiction!

Do you bounce into a room with a can-do attitude, or are you the Eeyore of the group, kaboshing new ideas with cynicism?

Do you let little annoyances slide off your back, or are you quick to take offense?

Are you an early-adapter and risk-taker, or a reluctant drag-in and on the stay-close-to-the-shore boat?

Are you intentional about calendaring play-time, so that all work and no play doesn’t turn you into a dull boy or girl?

People are attracted to those with high Bounce Factors! Leave them better than when you met them!

Notice that it doesn’t say the quantity of friendships, but the quality of them.  How many level-10 friends do you have? A Level-10 friend is someone who will always be there for you, who is completely safe for you to share anything with, who will not judge you, who accepts you as you are, who, when you’ve been apart for a while and then re-connect, you jump right back into deep discussions with as if you were never apart. Most people don’t have a friend like this. They have tons of Level-1′s, 2′s, and 3′s (acquaintances), and maybe a 4, 5, or 6 who they enjoy hanging out with. But it takes work and time and vulnerability to get to 7-10 friendships–but the payoff is worth it!

What is one step you could take today to move a current friendship one notch closer to level 10?

“Asked of Socrates: ‘How can I reach Mt. Olympus?’..Socrates replied, ‘Just make every step you take go in that direction.’  A noble sense of direction always opens the door for noble events and words along the way.” (When Men Think Private Thoughts)

When I’m coaching someone and they are telling me about one of their decisions, I like to ask them, “Does that action get you closer to your goal or further away from your goal?” Sometimes, just hearing one’s self answer that question is stark enough to either continue that course of action or stop the off-course behavior.

It’s also true for beating procrastination. Just take a baby-step TODAY in the direction of completing the project/task, and it’ll be easier to pick up the next time you have time available.

And it’s true if you are hoping/praying opportunities will open up for you. If you put yourself in settings where things can happen, most likely opportunities will present themselves, key people will emerge to help you along the way, and key learnings will occur. But you have to be in the path of the outcome you are hoping for.

“The question, ‘What am I really made of?’ will most likely be asked on a day when you face a significant test (betrayed, cheated…)”

“Character describes the inner soil out of which actions and words grow. Character is formed out of a lively conscience, powerful/influential models of behavior, sound teaching, and a realization that we are accountable to God.”

“Joseph…did it all on character: an uncompromising sense of right/wrong; an impeccable honesty/dependability; a wise/discerning mind; a strong moral compass; a soul free of bitterness/vengeance; and a courage to speak/act out of truth.”  (When Men Think Private Thoughts)

Early in life I heard that sports builds character. I soon learned that sports REVEALS character, as does having a leadership position, going through difficult circumstances, getting in serious relationships, etc.  That’s when all of your observers see what’s in your heart (since “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”).

The key is to be constantly becoming more mature in one’s character. Sure, most people’s worldview is set by age 12, and most of the education we get on character-formation comes from our parents/teachers/coaches growing up. But we don’t have to stop the process of becoming more like Christ, more whole, more toward becoming the best version of ourselves that we can be.  The more time we spend getting to know God, the more we want to become like Him, and to give him the reins of our lives.

Joseph is one of the best all-time at living a life of character, no matter what hit him across the face. And I can’t help but think that the only way he got through it, was that his eyes were constantly on God whenever it came to a decision he had to make, or what reaction/response he would give when the crucible moment happened. He used tragedies as triggers to depend more on God, while so many use them as triggers to go dark, to complain, to blame, to go destructive with anger, etc.

Consider writing goals in 7 categories of your life for 2012:

• Physical life (exercise, sleep, nutrition, stress management)
• Primary relationships (as a spouse, employee, parent)
• Vocation (things that move your career forward)
• Use of money (getting out of debt, putting money away)
• Intellectual life (professional development, reading, thinking)
• Recreational life (playtime, hobbies, friendships)
• Spiritual disciplines (Bible-reading/meditation, memorizing, prayer)

“The life brought under management will have to get used to selecting/de-selecting, saying yes to the best and no to things good.”

As I begin to look ahead into 2012, I want to be able to walk/behave like David did–with a longer stride–and reach out with a larger embrace of life because I know and am confident that God is with me (Emmanuel).  I tend to shrink back (a shorter stride and a hot-potato embrace) when I focus on my own problems and limit my view of an extremely-big God Who has it all under control.  That’s not what He has in mind for me; it’s practically insulting Him!

How does your behavior/words/attitude change when you get a glimpse of your great God?

I pray that I (wanna join me in this prayer?) will live a life:

• Void of any evil/selfish intent
• Void of annoying/hassling behaviors
• As a loyal friend
• Pursuing excellence in all I do
• That has nothing to point a finger at
• Characterized by goodness
• Being a messenger of God